INCLUDING THE KITCHEN SINK

One day last week my cousin was cruising along I-15 at about 65 mph during rush hour when the car in front of him suddenly darted into the next lane and Joe found a kitchen sink lying in the road right in front of him.  Both lanes on either side of him were full, leaving him no way to avoid hitting that large ceramic sink.  In seconds, he straddled it and it shredded a tire and tore pieces loose from his car's undercarriage.  He had a fight on his hands to maintain control and avoid rolling or involving another car in an accident. 

Other drivers and the Highway Patrol were kind, thoughtful, and helped him all they could, but there was no way he could have avoided slamming into that kitchen sink.  They could only help him with the aftermath. Why do I mention this story?  Recently someone brought up a hurtful remark aimed at a friend and it reminded me of a neighbor who came to me in tears following the discovery that I had breast cancer twenty years ago.  This lady said she felt she needed to apologize to me because she'd had mean thoughts about me.  She thought it was unfair that I had so much and she worked really hard and had so little.  She assumed I made lots of money just writing little stories.  She knew I had met a lot of famous people through my position on the Salt Palace advisory board and my years as a reporter.  My oldest daughter had recently married the son of a prominent community leader in the temple; my son was serving a mission, and my younger daughters had college scholarships.  I was thin then too (she added that!)  It wasn't until my cancer diagnosis that she learned one of my daughters also had cancer and we were struggling to overcome the financial loss that came with the company my husband worked for going bankrupt, leaving him without a job and the disappearance of his retirement fund.  Both of our mothers had recently died as well. 

This lady had harbored a completely romanticized and false image of me, partly because she had glamorized what it is to be a writer.  It was a shock to her to discover writers are like everyone else; we have highs and lows and we're certainly not immune to life's tragedies.  We hit kitchen sinks just like everyone else.  To be honest some of my writer friends have been dealing with some pretty severe problems in recent years, have found plenty of obstacles in their paths, and have had to fight hard to stay on course, keep writing, and protect their loved ones. Sarah Eden has a severe form of Rheumatoid Arthritis that causes her incredible pain, Kerry Blair has fought her way through MS and a bout of cancer, Gale Sears's son died unexpectedly from a disability he didn't know he had, Rob Wells struggles with extreme panic attacks, Anita Stansfield has Celiac that went undiagnosed too long and has caused her permanent health problems, Rachel Nunes spent years writing with a baby on her lap, Michele Bell was beside her son with his long scary ordeal with cancer, and the list goes on and on.  Writers are wives, husbands, parents, etc., who cope with their children's school problems, with elderly ill parents, sometimes another full time job, illness, marital differences, accidents, difficult pregnancies, unexpected multiple births,  and every problem that besets any other person. The only thing that makes writers different is that through it all, they still write.  Just as a musician continues to make music even when the world turns dark and his heart is breaking, so the writer continues to pen stories.  

Like Joe, who couldn't avoid hitting that kitchen sink someone failed to secure to his vehicle, all of us, writers  or not, will hit some difficult obstacles in our lives from time to time through no fault of our own.  These experiences aren't fun, but they do enrich our understanding and our compassion for others. Good writers internalize these experiences and they emerge as richer, more empathetic stories and more realistic characters.  Most of us fantasize about a life where everything runs smoothly, but when we read a novel where there are no problems, we're soon bored and complain that "nothing ever happens" in the book.  Just as we learn in Sunday School that there must be opposition in all things and that we can't appreciate the good if we have no understanding of the evil, so it is in writing.  We won't appreciate a happy ending if the characters haven't struggled to overcome anything. Adversities or challenges in our lives not only make us stronger and more capable of appreciating good things, but from a literary standpoint they make us better writers and readers because we have personally experienced a wide gamut of emotions which have expanded our understanding. 

 

 

THERE ARE DAYS LIKE THAT . . .

It seems that when a day starts out wrong; it just gets worse.  It's my turn to blog on the V-Formation blog today, but I have family visiting, I was late finding a book to review for Meridian this week, I got my insulin pump this week and have to run tests and go to a couple of doctor's appointments to get trained, we started back at the temple yesterday, and we had a special speaker for Relief Society last night.  What I'm trying to say is I wasn't ready to post a blog, I had nothing written and no ideas uppermost in my mind, but I thought I could get it done this morning. 

Oops! The alarm went off on my new pump to start the day, telling me it was low on insulin.  For those of you who have never reloaded an insulin pump, let me tell you the instructions are a mile long, written in a foreign language, require at least two phone calls to a diabetic specialist, and are totally incomprehensible. A task that should have taken a few minutes shot nearly two hours of my morning.

Next I called in a prescription.  Fifteen minutes later the pharmacy called to say it wasn't in stock, but they could get it by Saturday. 

I sat down at my computer and discovered I had a problem.  My keyboard had died.  I switched it out for my husband's keyboard, but the connection is different and it wouldn't work.  I put my own keyboard back on, fiddled with it a lot and got it so it would work for a few minutes, then it would die again. After a lot of maneuvering around, I finally got a keyboard that functions, though most of the letters are scraped off of the keys.

Now I was set to try to write a blog. A phone call changed my mind.  My Visiting Teaching partner called to tell me the one sister we missed earlier this month was home now and said we could meet with her if we came right now.  

I've heard it said that life is what happens when you're on your way to somewhere else.  I've found that writing is a lot like that too.  It's good to plan and outline, but sometimes a story has a mind of its own.  There needs to be room for detours, for work stoppages, and changes of direction. I don't recommend ditching plans, only allowing some wiggle room.  Life's like that, and fiction emulates life.  Whether it's the book's characters or its author, it's always good to remember there will be days like that . . .

A SMALL BLAST FROM THE PAST

While looking for some old pictures of my husband's family this morning for a genealogy project he's undertaken, I chanced on an album from my high school years that brought back memories.  There were newspaper clippings from competing in declamation meets, honor rolls, play programs, dance cards, basketball scores, stories I wrote for the school paper, etc.  But what caught my attention were a few short poems I didn't write, but used to recite along with a beatnic bongo drum accompaniment. I wasn't part of the beatnic scene, but it was fun to play the part at parties. Let me share them once again:

The tusks that clashed in mighty brawls

Of mastodons are billiard balls. 

The sword of Charlemagne the Just

Is ferric oxide, known as rust. 

The grizzly bear whose potent hug

Was feared by all is now a rug.

Great Caesar's dead and on the shelf;

And I don't feel so well myself!

                            ---Arthur Guiterman

 

And the second one:

As I was sitting in my chair,

I knew the bottom wasn't there,

Nor legs nor back,

But I just sat,

Ignoring little things like that. 

A little Ogden Nash: 

If you hear the call of a panther;

don't anther. 

It's not the cough that carries you off;

It's the coffin they carry you off'n. 

And finally a belated Christmas poem: 

Twas the night before Christmas and all through the pad,

Not a hipster was stirring; not even Big Dad.

The stockings were hung by the chimney with care;

They'd been worn six months,

They needed the air.

My taste in poetry hasn't improved much over the years.  Neither has my sense of humor. 

 

The picture is fifteen-year-old me the night I was crowned Homecoming queen.

 

 

THOSE TEN BEST LISTS . . .

This is the time each year when most people give some thought to setting goals and to looking back at the past year.  The internet, newspapers, magazines, and television are full of lists of the ten best--or ten worst--of this or that.   I gave some thought to joining in.  The only problem is, I either can't make up my mind as to which are the ten best or ten worst books I've read.  I read over a hundred books this past year and most were pretty good.  A few were exceptional. Some were just so-so, and a few were boring. There were also a few I just couldn't make myself finish.  I reviewed a little less than half of the books I read. 

So I'm going to give you a list of books I read that stand out in my mind for various reasons.  They aren't necessarily the best or the worst; they just clicked with me.  Of course the most memorable for me are my own books, Where the River Once Flowed and two compilations that contain short, true stories I wrote, The Art of Motherhood and With Wondering Awe.  I don't usually care for speculative fiction, but I read it because reading and reviewing is what I do.  I liked The Witnesses by Stephanie Black and I liked The Others by Kristin Bryant.  Young Adult fiction is another genre I don't read much of because I review adult fiction.  However, I read a few books in this category and liked Hadley-Hadley Benson (Durfee) and Lair of the Serpent (Adams).  

Another book that appealed to me on a personal level is Nourish and Strengthen by Maria Hoagland. It's the story of a young wife and mother adjusting to type one diabetes at the same time she is adjusting to a new home and ward. The removal of my pancreas left me diabetic and with a lot of adjusting to do too.  I've lived in 22 wards and never found one with as many negative and judgmental people as the main character's new ward, but I found the information on diabetes informative, helpful, and encouraging.  

If I had to make a choice, I'd probably say Belonging to Heaven by Gale Sears was my favorite 2013 book.  But close behind it would be a non-fiction book, The Mormons, an Illustrated History of the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints. Other books that top my 2013 favorites list, in no particular order, are Sword of Joseph (Durbin), The Mounds Anomaly (Gunderson), Ashes, Ashes (Bellon), Proceed with Caution (Green), Sworn Enemy (Sowards), Hitchhikers (Poduska), You Came For Me (Bessey), Desperate Measures (McKendry), Checking Out (Poulson), and Longing for Home (Eden).  I could easily pick another dozen or so books that could be added to this list.  I found something worthwhile and appealing to every book I reviewed for Meridian in 2013. 

Most people's reading tastes change from time to time, often depending on the reader's stage of life such as age, health, stress level, etc. This may explain why the best written or edited books aren't always the ones we remember best.  It's the book that touches our own dreams, desires, or ideals; the one that takes us on the trip of our dreams, the one that gives us a taste of being the hero, doing something grand, teaches something worthwhile, or supports a cherished ideal that finds a niche in our hearts. Different books fulfill the needs of different people at different times, making it impossible for anyone's "top ten" to be exactly the same as anyone else's, but it's fun to look at those lists and compare our views with that of the list maker. Want to try it?  I'd love to know what others found outstanding in the books you read.  Readers, in the comment section please list anywhere from one to ten books read in 2013 you particularly liked.  Don't worry about whether your choices were the best written or had the best message, were character or plot oriented, just tell me which books you personally liked the most. I'll even do a lucky number drawing and send a prize to one person who responds with his/her own list of faves.

 

MERRY CHRISTMAS, ONE AND ALL

Is there a word that carries more memories, hopes, faith, sadness, tradition, family bonding, and dreams than Christmas? It's a mixture of spiritual and secular, a day observed by both the religious and the profane. It's a time of giving and receiving. And for many it is also a time for quiet reflection and establishing new priorities. 

My childhood Christmases didn't include a lot of expensive gifts, though there was usually a new doll and a Christmas dress--even if the dress was made from flour sacks. The toe of one of my hated long, brown socks always held an orange, a few pieces of hard candy, a chocolate, and a handful of nuts. My siblings and I bought each other gifts at Kings or Woolworths.  Daddy read the Christmas story from St. Luke to us and Mama roasted a goose. 

Caroling hay rides, skating on silvery ponds, midnight mass, television specials, Secret Santa projects, making fudge, divinity, and popcorn balls, thought provoking firesides, along with band, drama, and choir performances eventually all became part of my growing up Christmas memories. 

As young parents, the Santa thing became important.  Money was tight and we did our best to give our small children a few of their wishes.  One Christmas we received a foster child four days before Christmas and struggled to buy him a few gifts.  The day before Christmas our mailman, recognizing that an envelope addressed to us held a check, called to have us meet him and pick up our mail at the beginning of his route instead of waiting until the afternoon when he would reach our house.  He made it possible for us to give our foster child comparable gifts to those already purchased for our own child. The lights at Temple Square, The Nutcracker performance, Christmas books, our children's choir and band performances, a soldier son far away at Christmas, Sub for Santa escapades, and various parties became part of our memories 

As our children grew up, we spent Christmas Eves with my husband's family and exchanged family gifts that night, and since my own family always exchanged family gifts on Christmas Eve as well, we continued the tradition as our children began their young families.  How I love seeing my grandchildren perform the nativity pageant each year and share their musical talents, enjoy the pot luck style dinner my adult children and I put together for that special night, and treasure the laughter and fun as family gifts are exchanged. Each year I take a picture of all of my grandchildren sitting on the stairs in their new pajamas. Some have decided they are too old for the pajama part now, but we still do the picture.

 

 

Along with the warm memories of Christmases past, each year I feel excited for the coming Christmas.  I look forward to all Christmas is to me; an affirmation of my faith, the love of family, and a brief glimpse of a world where giving is front and center.  I believe each Christmas season should include at least one anonymous gift.  Those who pay off a stranger's lay-away bill, randomly distribute gift cards, carry out a sub for Santa or Angel tree project, drop coins in a Salvation Army bucket, donate food to a food bank, pay a stranger's library fine, give their waitress a big tip, or merely have a kind word and a smile for a fellow human being understand the spirit of Christmas.  I believe we observe Christmas best when we show the kind of love and kindness Christ practiced, but received little of in return.

PRE-CHRISTMAS DRAMA

Woohoo!  I've finished my Christmas shopping! It has been done in small increments starting before my surgery in September and some was done online, but it's done.  Of course I may think of one or two more small items, then there's the grocery shopping for Christmas Eve and Christmas Day, three birthdays, and our wedding anniversary. Even my Christmas cactus is ahead of schedule. 

     

 

I figured out much too late to change the facts, that December is not the best time for a wedding or a birthday.  We will have been married for forty-nine years this Saturday.  I married the right person; no regrets there, but our anniversary gets lost each year in a flurry of Christmas parties and preparations.  Our oldest daughter, a December baby, and two of our sons-in-law with the same problem, always felt like their birthdays got a quick brush-by, combined with Christmas, or generally ignored by their friends.  So if it's not too late, try to plan a little better than we did. 

With our Christmas shopping done, we took a look at the Kohl's cash and other accumulated coupons and bonuses we'd accumulated and decided to spend them on an anniversary present for ourselves.  We bought a carpet shampooer.  I know. Terribly romantic, but we haven't been satisfied with the carpet care companies we've used the past few years and our old machine died many years ago.  Then there was that $90.00 in accumulated rewards from all that Christmas shopping. I also managed to sneak in a little more personal gift for my husband. 

Sometimes the pre-Christmas decorating, shopping, baking, parties, etc., leave us looking forward to having Christmas over.  I'm enjoying most of the pre-Christmas activity this year more than usual.  Perhaps it's because I'm not doing any book signings this year and have a little more time to spend doing other things. It's not that I don't have a book out this year because actually I do.  My publisher put out a small Christmas book this year called With Wondering Awe that includes a true Christmas story by me and stories by nine other authors.  I also have a short story in The Art Of Motherhood and a full length novel, Where the River Once Flowed which was released in February. Yet I kind of miss the signings and the fun of meeting people who are Christmas shopping.

 

It might be that I'm just enjoying seeing Christmas through the eyes of my two-year-old granddaughter.  She's assigned each of the horses on the carousel to different family members, the pink nutcracker is hers because everything pink is hers, and she won't go near the big nutcracker because it bites. She loves candy canes and music boxes.  And a big tree covered with interesting toys and a choo choo that races around a track are all exciting, new wonders.  And for the quiet moments she's enthralled with books that tell the story of a Baby, sleeping on the hay.

 

 

I love Christmas, not just that wondrous day, but all the shining moments that lead up to the greatest reason the world has ever been given to celebrate.

Nominations Needed

Think back.  What was the best book by an LDS author you read this year?  Did you nominate it for a Whitney Award?  Perhaps you read more than one book that made a lasting impression on you.  If you haven't already done it, nominate them all for Whitney Awards. 

For a novel to be nominated for a 2013 Whitney Award, it must receive five nominations before the end of the current year and be copyrighted in 2013.  It must also be a full length novel, not a short story or novella. The author must be LDS, but anyone can nominate---except those who profit from the sale of the book.  That means I can nominate books by other writers, but I can't nominate my own book.  You can also nominate more than one book per category. Every year there are great books that don't get enough nominations because readers assume lots of people already nominated them or because readers aren't aware they are the ones who should be nominating.  I nominate lots of books and many other authors and reviewers do as well, which is great, but for the awards to have real significance more nominations are needed from the general reading public. It's kind of sad when nominations come only from fellow writers. The book doesn't need to  have an LDS theme, only be written by an LDS author. 

Award categories are General, Historical, Romance, Mystery/Suspense, Speculative, Youth Speculative, Youth General Fiction, Best Novel by a New Author, and Best Novel of the Year. Historical usually includes Westerns and Speculative includes Horror.  If you don't remember the titles or authors of the books you'd like to nominate go to Meridian Magazine's book reviews or to any other LDS fiction reviewer's web or blog page to refresh your memory.  You can also go to a bookstore's online catalog and scan the book jacket blurbs. 

Nominating a favorite book is easy.  Go here.  A form will pop up.  Fill in your name and email address, then add the book or books you wish to nominate along with the name of the author(s) and publisher(s), then submit.  You'll get back an acknowledgement that your nomination has been received by the contest chairman.  So get going! Nominate away! This is the big award for LDS authors and I assure you it means a lot to all of us to have our readers show their appreciation for our efforts to provide quality, clean books by nominating your favorites for these awards.

SHOPPING! OH MY!

I really don't like to shop.  I know the stereotype is that women live to shop, but that isn't me.  I'm not good at picking out gifts for others and I can never find anything I like for me.  Still, this time of year, shopping is inevitable unless you're the bah humbug type who skips Christmas giving.  I love everything else about Christmas; the music, the decorations, the food, the nativity story, the heart-warming stories of generosity, the giving, Christmas books, getting and sending cards, the general good will, Santa, and even the Salvation Army bell ringer . I don't even mind the hustle and bustle of wandering through overly decorated malls. I just don't like traipsing through stores or scrolling through e-catalogs.  

I did a little Christmas shopping before my surgery and in the past few weeks since I've been a little stronger one of my daughters and my husband have taken me for a few quick shopping forays.  I tire too easily to leave it until December. I even ordered a couple of things online.  I've got a good start.  In fact it has been kind of fun to shop for my two littlest granddaughters.  At one-and-a-half and two-and-a-half, they don't already have every toy I can think of and they're easy to please.  My biggest challenges this year are the five eight-to-ten-year-old boys. Then there are the teenagers and the young married couple. I love them with all my heart, but shopping for the perfect gifts for them is something else. 

 

I seldom shop for wedding or birthday gifts anymore; a check or gift card is usually met with enthusiasm and easier for me to handle.  Gift cards are usually welcome for Christmas too, but I think everyone, especially the younger children should have the thrill of tearing into at least one wrapped present. Our family spends Christmas Eve together and that's when we exchange family presents. So I shop. But no matter how many door buster sales begin on Thanksgiving Day or how great the bargains, I won't be shopping that day. 

 

Shop early or shop late, but let's keep Thanksgiving a day for family, food, and gratitude and allow as many others as possible to have the day with their families too.

One of Those Catch Up Blogs

I'm not doing a great job of blogging regularly.  I'm much better now and I'm able to spend longer stretches at the computer, but somehow my ideas just don't wind up on my little screen.  Today I'll attempt to do a little catch up.

I've reached the point now where I'm trying out a pump.  It takes some getting used to and presents a few problems like what to do with it, where to place it, for the least nuisance when exercising, sleeping, or going to the bathroom.  Overall I'm quite enthused about it since it eliminates giving myself so many shots.  I just wish it did the testing too since my poor left hand fingers are a mass of bruises and kind of tender.  I can't use my right hand for testing since I had breast cancer in the past.  Financially, I had no idea being a "fragile diabetic" would be so expensive!

My youngest grandson was baptized two weeks ago.  He's a wonderful grandson and I'm so proud of him, not just because he took being baptized very seriously, but because he's tender hearted, has a great sense of humor, is doing great in a dual immersion school, and is so full of life and curiosity.

My son-in-law who was injured in Iraq has been under a lot of pressure lately and is having some problems with his heart.  He'll have to have it stopped and restarted, which is scary and involves a lot of appointments at the VA hospital.  My husband and I often watch their two-year-old while he keeps his appointments.  That's such a fun age!  She loves to go visit our neighbors chickens and geese, have tea parties with her stuffed animals, drive an old toy school bus loaded with plastic horses around the house, and she's discovered my Christmas books.  She also likes to line up her dolls and stuffed animals on the stairs or around the dining room table where she orders them to "Sit."

Last July we ordered a new patio door and screen from a nearby store. Getting it has been a joke.  Over and over it has been brought out without needed parts, with the wrong parts, or some part that doesn't work right.  Today we thought it was finally intact, installed and all was well.  But no.  The screen only opens from the outside. 

My daughter, Janice Sperry, had a cute Christmas book published last year called the Candy Cane Queen.  She just got word this week that a publisher wants a middle grade novel she wrote.  She signed the contract and it is scheduled for next June.  Needless to say, I'm really proud of her.  Speaking of Christmas books, With Wondering Awe, which includes a true short story by me is now available in bookstores. 

 

MEANDERING THOUGHTS ON GRATITUDE

Sandwiched between Halloween and Christmas, Thanksgiving is almost the forgotten holiday. Since gift giving, other than a hostess gift here and there, is not part of the celebration and shoppers involvement is limited to dinner components , it doesn't get a big buzz from the advertising moguls.  After all how many turkeys can a family eat? Personally I'm glad Thanksgiving doesn't fit into the pattern of other holidays.  Instead of a noisy tribute to commercialism I think we each need a day of quiet reflection on the blessings granted to us. 

On Face Book there's a movement many people are participating in, where each day each person lists one thing he or she is grateful for. I applaud those who are taking the time to do this.  Some people do this more privately in their journals or on their desk calendars. This is great too.  However we do it, it is good to pause, and take account of the blessings, small miracles, and kindnesses in our lives. I've undergone four major surgeries in the past year and I'm deeply grateful for the doctors, nurses, and physical therapists who got me through what would have been a death sentence or at best a miserable crippled existence just a generation ago.  I'm thankful for my family, friends, and neighbors who have been generous and kind to me and my family.  I'm especially thankful for my husband who has cooked, cleaned, and watched over me in the kindest most helpful way.  And though I don't recommend losing weight the way I have, I am thankful to be fifty pounds thinner than I was a year ago. 

Thanksgiving is a good time too, to reflect on Thanksgivings past and the loved ones who no longer share our table.  I remember the Thanksgiving Day we were moving, but midway through the day Mama managed to serve us ham and beans.  I remember too, that Mama always cooked cranberries herself, no canned ones for our family and she made the best stuffing and carrot salad.  I remember the Thanksgiving I cooked the turkey, took it to my mother-in-law's house, and later placed what was left in the trunk of our car to take home.  When we reached home, we hurried five small sleepy children into the house and only emptied those things from the trunk that wouldn't fare well in the cold car overnight.  The next morning we discovered the leftovers were ruined since while we removed the few things we thought needed to be taken inside, our cat had hopped into the trunk and spent the night feasting.

We only have a couple of decorations that can be considered strictly Halloween; the rest are simply fall and harvest items.  We've just never been big about that particular holiday.  I never trick or treated as a child because my mother considered it begging and was adamant that none of her children should beg. I found costumes and trick or treating a fun adventure for small children when my own children were small, but I have no use for the creepy side of Halloween.  Therefore my decorations mostly stay in place and I add a few pilgrims, turkeys, and cornucopias.  

For many people Thanksgiving Day is simply a football and "get-ready-for-Christmas" day. They wolf down dinner in front of the TV, glued to a Christmas parade or ball game.  They study the sale ads in the paper and this year they'll be able to shop all day in many stores instead of leaping into action at midnight or whenever the early bird specials begin on Black Friday. I find it kind of sad, but it's their choice.  As for me, I look forward to dinner where conversation with loved ones is as important as a delicious feast. I want to hold my tiny granddaughters in my arms and leave them with no doubts that they are loved.  I want to hear from all my children and grandchildren about school, and friends, and work.  I want to feel assured my parents would be pleased with my family.  Most of all I want to feel the peace that comes with expressing gratitude to friends, to family, and to God for the life I've been privileged to live.